FAQ YOU

 Ever since I announced that I'm getting married, I've received a lot of congratulations (thanks!), unsolicited comments from complete fucking strangers claiming to know why I decided to do this ("Deep down, all insecure sluts just want to be loved") and gleefully remarking about how I'll soon be divorced. I mean, I'm not gonna even attempt to get into the psyche of anonymous commenters. I just don't get their deal, and I never will. I can't imagine having the time on my hands to obsess about someone I claim to hate, follow their writing and then going out of my way to try to make them feel bad. (Not that it works, motherfuckers.) Anyway, I wanted to take some time to answer some frequently asked questions.

Now that you're getting married, does this mean the end of your blog?
Good question! I really don't know. I obviously have gone from one D at a time to one D all the time, so consuming men like they're tapas isn't a part of my life anymore. But what people who don't know me don't realize is that most of the sex stories I've written here weren't in chronological order or real time. It was more like picking and choosing some of the more outrageous stories over the past 12 years of fucking. It's kinda like the Weight Watchers technique of putting your soup in the refrigerator so that all the oil and fat will form a layer of scum along the top that you scrape off. So this blog has kinda been my presentation of the scum of my sex soup. I think from now on, instead of straight-up scum shots, I might go a little deeper beneath the surface, and be a little more anthropological. Or not. I don't fucking know.

Has your fiancé read your blog? Does he know what a slut you are?
Actually, I'm not sure if he's read a lot of this shit. I think he's read some and he didn't like what he saw, but I guess if I read incredibly detailed accounts of his sex life, I wouldn't like it either.

As far as the slut thing goes, here's the deal: I didn't start this site to be like, "Oh my God, look at how cah-razy my sex life is! Woohoo, look at me swinging from the rafters naked while I pull the train." I actually think my sex life has been really typical for a girl my age. At least, that's what I can tell from the emails that I get from other girls saying they relate. I've always felt really strongly about debunking sexual double standards. No one bats an eye at single guys who have lots of sex. Single girls who have lots of sex are called sluts. So that's why I willingly took on that name, because I don't think there's anything wrong with that behavior. It's normal. And just a note: Just because I like to have sex doesn't mean that I like to have sex with everyone. I do discriminate, although my standards have kind of changed as time has marched on. (Example: I got over getting under guys whose jeans I can't fit into, back when I was 25.)

Are you happy now that you finally found someone who could love someone desperate like you?
Um, fuck you. I've had plenty of long-term relationships, most of which I've chosen not to write about. It kind of makes me insane that people still believe that women only have sex because they are looking for love/validation or because they're getting paid for it. I was able to enjoy the physical satisfaction of sex without actively looking to be loved. Sometimes life is just like that, for both men and women. Doye.

Why don't you write about something besides yourself, you narcissistic bitch?
Why don't you read about something else besides me, you scary stalker?

Comments

[Annie]

Tracie I love everything you write. I think you're brilliant, on your own website and on Jezebel. I never comment on anything, but I thought I should let you know. If you ever stop doing Pot Psychology my entire family will cry for weeks, we love it so much. Much love from Chicago!

[mariaaaaa]

I certainly hope you continue having a personal blog of some kind. I really enjoy your tv/pop culture posts on Jezebel and come here to read further about ALL your adventures (not just the sexay time ones). I like to read about any old thing so long as its funny, smart and/or thoughtful.

Think about it and just know that those of us who like your writing will stick around.

[Ashley]

I have always enjoyed your blog as well as your posts at jezebel because I felt as if you were a cool older sister, giving advice but not taking herself too seriously. So I was pretty upset that you were retiring your slut machine title and doing what the wannabe radical feminist in me considers the ultimate betrayal of becoming "the norm." But I get it. And as much as I have loved reading about your previous sexual adventures, I have also enjoyed reading your views on other feminist and issues conerning women and society. Whatever you decide to do, I'm still a fan.

[alie]

i got yr back girl. congrats on the nuptuals. i'll gladly read about married life as long as you approach it with the same sense of humor, grace, and wit as you do everything else.

[l22]

tracie, congratulations!

just wanted to say that I love everything you write, forget the haters, naysayers and jealous people.

I will follow you,
follow you wherever you may go!!

[Trish]

I'm late getting to it, but congrats on the engagement, Tracie! And I'm with all the rest in suggesting you forget the naysayers.

[Robyn]

Tracie, don't take it personally- take it as a sign that there are a lot of sad dudes out there who aren't getting laid, and are kinda bitter about the idea of a woman going around having the kind of sex life that they believe they are entitled to, but do not have. They don't have it because they're the sort of dudes who write ridiculous things to people they don't know on the internet. It's a vicious circle, I tell you. You rock, and congrats on the engagement!

[ginevra]

holla. good job at telling the haters to fuck the fuck off.

[Seriously]

Tracie - I couldn't be more pleased you are still blogging here. Love your writing, love your take on things, love PP.

Why do people read who claim to hate you? Because they secretly are jealous of you.

Keep up the good work and the dual blogging.

lurve it.

[carlafrompr]

Tracie
Congrats on the upcoming nuptials. I hope many blessings come your way on your marriage.I totally relate on your opinions. People say i may be a slut only b/c I to choose to talk about a more interesting subjects like sex, instead of bowel movements or constipation ( PRicans they looove to talk about that) Contrary to some ignorants out there, I think you are destined for success. You have done everything, tried everything and back, you have no stones left unturned ( unlike my friends who got married at 22 and are cheating on their husbands and viceversa). I hope you continue blogging, specially now that you are entering a new chapter in your life. It's funny how at your 20's you are blogging about soup "scum". I look forward to your blogging at your 30s.They are intense ( well, i've only been here for a year and a half) Good thing you are getting married now. You dont want to be single and 30 like me ( hormones, baby!!!)
all the best
PS- is Rich your "man of honor"?just asking

[Lolita Hazed]

Fuck the haters. Your instincts beat their typography any day, and after all, it's just a blog. Obviously this isn't your life, and it's anybody else's, then that's a little sad. So keep it up!

No wonder you're a Jezebel editor-- it really is perfect for someone with views on feminism as well-developed as yours. Seriously, having a woman like you in the world is a relief. There needs to be more.

Couldn't say that enough. Lots of love from one slut to another.

[Sunbunny]

Well, Tracie, I believe the last person had an excellent point. How dare you start a blog about your life and then only write about yourself? Like, what is this, a blog or something?

[Priya]

HAHA Oh my god, Tracie. I will always admire your self-assuredness, your sense of humor, and your talent. Whatever it is you choose to write about, you will do it well.
I hope you continue, whether it's here or elsewhere, to let others into your life one post at a time. It's been real!

[Alyssa]

Hey Tracie,

Congrats on the engagement, forget all the haters, and please keep writing on a personal blog--I'll follow it as long as you have one!

[Jenn]

Yo, fuck the haters Tracie. As long as you are happy that is what matters and what makes a person happy varies for individuals. Personally as a single woman I am a little sad that I must bid you adu (at least in terms of your single status) but hope to read more from you regardless of topic. I just really hope Pot Psych remains up and running...will it?

[Lionel Mandrake]

Congrats. Being on my second marriage (marriage #1 being an ill-advised college relationship turned into INS marriage of convenience), I may have some salient thoughts on the matter.

Marriage can be the greatest thing in the world as long as you remember a couple things:

1. Neither of you are god's gift to anything. You'll both have times when you're mean, or get out of shape, or have money troubles, or can't pull your weight. Just be aware of it and don't let the balance sheet get too out of whack.

2. You'll have times where you screw like bunnies and times when it's maybe once or twice in a month. People get busy with work and the like, or get depressed, it's not the end of the world. Just don't forget about each other.

3. If you don't have one, buy a dishwasher, it'll eliminate half of your fights right off the bat.

[mel]

tracie i totally adore you & i'll read your blog as long as you write it. i would like to say this: you give so little attention to the people that tell you how happy they are for you, just writing "thanks!" & instead waste energy responding & replying to the people who try to put you down the hardest. whats the point? i'd way rather see gratitude for the people who stand by you than ANOTHER entry (or sentence) devoted to people who dont.

[Chantal Goya]

A question: Why aren't you writing more on Jezebel? What happened to the non-reality clip posts? That web-site is really needing more Slut Machine posts.

[Brent]

I've written some hatin' comments on other people's blogs -- mostly because they deserved it and were linked from other folks' blogs. But, wow. I hope you lock your doors. These fuckers really need to get a life.

Gotta sayt that the first two are fairly legit questions, although the second one could have been worded way better.

Welcome to the cult of marriage. It's fun at times. Sometimes it sucks, but such is life.

[pea]

i adore every word you type. i am glad you exist.

[m]

lol scum soup

congrats. all the happiness!

[Clarity Sage]

I love your writing, especially the way you state your point of view. Thank you for everything you say, and I hope you continue with your blog!

[A]

Okay, but I think the real question on all of our minds is: what brand is your awesome orange nail polish and where did you get it? If there's another FAQ installment, please answer that one!

[TinaFey]

I think the biggest question that overrides any others is: Why are you getting married?

[Lucy]

Bitch, if you wrote about the dust under your desk or the fleas on your dog I'd read it with glee. You're a great writer, it doesn't have to be sex and d's all the time hell, even that gets old. Just keep writing is what I'm trying to say, tell, beg... Love ya madly!

[Lia]

I am so happy for you, seriously. The amount of seething hate you get has always baffled be. But, who cares. You're my favorite.

[turtle]

the last one nearly killed me. HILARIOUS and SO TRUE!

[Kate]

Way to be.

Now, I want to hear about Dollywood already! Keep on blogging, plz. Most people I know who've gotten hitched have dropped off the TMI, overshare, thoughtful insight map. Even if there's less TMI and overshare, I'd really like to keep getting your relatable insight on stuff like planning a wedding and, you know, introducing your parents to the idea and such. Most girls I know become stepford, so your pov is welcomed.

[e]

tracie,

long time reader, first time commenter.

just wanted to say congratulations on the engagement and i love everything about your work whether it be on here or jezebel, so i'll keep reading religiously wherever you blog. and also, pot psychology has now become one of the things i look forward to the most on a friday haha.

i truly admire your talent, your frank and honest approach to sex and you never fail to make me laugh in the process!

keep up the good work! x *.*

[Tim]

Hey Tracie,

Congrats on the impending nuptuals. The Jezebel/Pot Psychology videos are basically the funniest things on this here intraweb superhighway. Keep it up and best wishes to you and Rich and yer lucky fiance. Come to LA and out on a Pot Psychology show here pleeeeze! We'll make it worth your while.

[Paquito]

You better work miss honey. Congrats! Long time reader first time commenter here. Hope the blog doesn't go away, and am looking forward to entries about matrimonial bliss from your one-of-a-kind perspective.

[angelica]

congrats! i hope you continue to write about your next adventure with this lucky guy. i'm marrying my girlfriend next year and i'd love to hear all about your journey. (pre and post wedding) please don't stop blogging!

[ellen]

I really enjoy reading your stuff, so I hope you don't stop! And it seems like you respond to the negative people a lot - my advice: don't waste your time even responding to their hateful/jealous crap.

[bob myere]

yo,
Fuck em. As as long as you are happy.

Take Care in life,

Not a Scary Stranger.

[Lizzard]

Tracie, I am sincerely happy for you. It's nice to find a "life companion. Once you're married (it's not a religious thing, my effing brother married us ordained from Church of Bob) the thought of effing strangers makes one ill. OH, it's not easy (this from one married a year) but it is SO worth it. Mazaltov.

[madamimadam]

Um, if you ever start a band, will you please call it The Scum of My Sex Soup?

Thanks in advance.

[Willa]

Aw Tracie! Look at all the people who love you!

It seems like you're just evolving, so that's why you might stop updating the blog.

But if you DO stop updating One D At a Time, could you start a new blog about what it is like to be stable and married? Or hot kinky marriage sex? Or SOMETHING.

Anyway congrats so much. And score on the last name! Morrissey is probz the sexiest last name of them all! Fit for a (former) slut. Lucky!

[Katie]

Psh. You're fab. Case closed.

[Elizabeth Curran]

1. TURN THIS BLOG INTO A BOOK NOWWWW!
This is the perfect ending to this chapter of your life. Write it up! I would buy it, along with all your other fans. Don't tell me you haven't been offered a couple of book deals already.

2. Keep writing, but maybe you should set up another website called onedallthetime.com
I would love to read about your take on marriage and long term relationships.

Much love
xxx

[Sabina]

I was pissed off at all the "you're just desperate, you only had lots of sex to find a husband" comments last time, too. When will these trolls understand that some people are capable of happy, healthy casual sex? Probably never.

[Shon]

congrats kid...i sure hope you sign a prenup

[Jeannette Smyth]

hi, just been watching some of the old, humane and thoughtful sex and the city reruns (darren star really screwed bushnell, btw, according to ron galotti, the real big.) i think the ethical slut personna, the pot psych, and the new york city thing (sex IS the city, reading Sukhdev Sandhu on Night Haunts: A journey through the London night -- see also, Marshall Berman, All That Is Solid Melts Into Air, for the really skinny on urbanism and marx and the mixture -- get it on! -- of the classes and sexes on the sidewalk) are keepers.
your taste is impeccable and i know you'll make the right choice.
meanwhile, please tell me where to get a.)those bumpin' glasses frames and b.) the neon nail polish.
you rock. don't ever stop.

[Alejandro]

Belated congratulations to you! I really hope you continue writing your blog.

[swanksta]

just don't stop writing about poop and periods. that shit cracks me up.

[judy jeston]

Are you sure this marriage proposal isn't a just a knee-jerk response to get back at your ex to show him what he missed out on?

Marriage is forever!
At the very least it is a huge expensive legal affair that isn't so easy to get out of (like a bad rash.)
Sure, this guy likes you enough to give you his ring, but are you sure you like him enough to follow through with it?

How long have you known each other, really?

It wasn't too very long ago that you were broken up about losing your cheatin' loser boyfriend to a much younger woman.

PS: Don't give us how you can't possibly understand why people would want to post negative things at your blog. You do it to get feedback and you are adult enough to know that it will snag fans as well as critics. Be a big girl now and stop making excuses because that is a COP OUT!

PSS: Is your new spouse & family REALLY comfortable with your slutty sexcapdes? C'mon, who are you trying to kid, here? Don't lie to yourself. You are sweeping an awful lot under the rug for appearances sake.

[judy jeston]

While it might be true that society might label single girls who have lots of sex as sluts...you KNOW that the reason why we coming back for more is the shock value that you are so good at blogging regarding your slutcapades.

You KNOW and take great delight (to make yourself feel better no doubt) that most single girls do not have herpes, do excessive amounts of drugs, hire guyes to have sex with them, fuck porn stars, etc. Hell, that's what makes your blog so entertaining!
And you KNOW it!

Just because you are engaged now and want to be respectable doesn't mean that society will endear you for it.

You are an entertaining slut that everyone likes to laugh and make fun of...but respect?

Grow up and take responsibility.
This marriage is a farce and will not last past your first hangover.

[Christine]

Jeez, "judy jeston," calm yourself. Two psycho comments in 10 minutes is not good for your bowels.

[judy jeston]

You are right, Christine.
At least I didn't film my bowels and post on my blog!

But see, Slutmachine, that is WHY we love your blog. Because it SHOCKS us! Makes us chuckle! No one else would be so brave. You see, I'm not a hater, but a lover of your writing!

It's just a damn shame we will be missing your sleazy but fun escapades now that you are all respectable now.

I'll still be there for ya in a few years after the inevitable divorce when you go back to what you are good at...hilarious whoredome and pot psychology with attitude.

[judy jeston]

Apparently anyone who posts anything that isn't 100% kissing of ass is deemed as a hater.

So in the spirit of not learning anything new, not telling the truth here or telling like it is, I will attempt a suck up letter so that Tracie can continue living in fantasy land...atta girl!

Ahem,
Dear Slutmachine,
Fuck yeah, bitch and fuck the haters! (apparently her readers only show respect by excessive use of profanity). I idolize you and want to be just like you...a successful, Feminist writer when I grow up. I like your stories because I too, have lots of sex with random strangers while drunk and it makes me feel less bad about myself, as I too, am a Slut Machine! Tee hee! That's why I called myself a Slut because if I say it then it's ok and funny, but if anyone else thinks or questions it...fuck 'em! You go girl! You can have it all! Screw anybody who tells you that you can't! Wishing you lots of success in your new married life! You deserve happiness! Everything will work out now that Prince Charming has swept you off your feet and will rescue you from your past! No, everyone has herpes! Those who don't wish they had! You don't need to disclose that with anyone as long as you take care of you, girl and your own needs! Fuck anyone else! It's your world because we are liberated women now!

[Fifty-One-Fifty]

Well, I congratulate you. Be happy.