There's No Such Thing as a "Bad Feminist"

I do not believe in a utopian sisterhood. I think that by saying you don't want to take other women on, you are essentially saying that you don't find them to be worthy competitors. So I don't particularly mind when other women dispute my beliefs or the things that I say—so long as they don't hurl rude, unnecessary, or irrelevant insults, like about my STDs, the way I wear my hair, etc.—because I recognize that I throw a lot of shit out there that's not exactly crowd pleasing. What bothers the fuck out of me, though, is when women accuse other women of being bad feminists. That simply does not exist. Because it doesn't matter what you think about women's issues, just as long as you're thinking about them.

Before my time at Jezebel, I worked at a feminist publication for several years. I think about this shit—feminism, sexism, etc.—constantly. So a couple of weeks ago, when I was pretty much lambasted for some (albeit drunken) public statements I made, the main thing that pissed me off was that people were trying to like revoke my Feminist Club membership or something. (And honestly, I don't want to even talk to about that shit anymore, but I'm not allowed to do so on the site I work for, as absolutely fucking retarded as that is, and I need to get this one last thing off my chest.) In the wake of all that hullabaloo, I realized that maybe this is a good thing, a jumping-off point to open up a discourse about how feminism is not monolithic. It's kind of like Christianity, in that there's this one core belief—that women are people, too—but there are all these different sects and theories as to what's the best way to practice that belief.

The women that I think are some of the smartest, most progressive feminists of our time—Christina Hoff Sommers, Debbie Stoller, Daphne Patai, Sylvia Ann Hewlett, Susie Bright, Camille Paglia—are also the women who have been reviled by other feminists as being "anti-feminist," simply for thinking outside the box, simply for questioning established feminist theories.

Hoff Sommers came under attack for criticizing what she sees as the "victimization" of women. Her detractors assume that Hoff Sommers is trivializing serious problems like rape and domestic violence, when she is really saying that we need to stop classifying ourselves as "potential survivors." Stoller has taken heat for focusing too much time on discussing the validity of homemaking and crafting. People assume that embracing those roles will set us back 50 years, but really dismissing such such work and hobbies as being beneath us would be downplaying the importance of all women throughout history. Patai has taken crap for calling out the "heterophobia" within contemporary feminism. Hewlett was hated for her book Creating a Life, in which she points out that as career women, we need to be realistic about our biological clocks, because fertility treatments are expensive, dangerous and not always guaranteed to work. People accused her of having a "breeder mentality," and trying to send women back to the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant. Really, she was just stating that we need to be educated about the limits of our own bodies, so that we aren't met with disappointment later in life. Bright trail blazed the sex-positive movement in a Dworkian climate, and I can't even imagine how difficult and tiring it must've been dealing with that bag of bullshit, because I still have to put up with that kind of noise, but, thanks to the work women like Bright has done, it's on a much smaller scale these days. And then there's Paglia who's been castigated for, Christ, just about everything she says, including her ideas about date rape, which just so happens to be the line of thinking on the matter that I see eye to eye with.

She's said, "Date rape has swelled into a catastrophic cosmic event, like an asteroid threatening the earth in a '50s science fiction film." As a sex-positive feminist, I feel like this is so true, and that certain people love to throw the whole date rape thing in my face, as a finger-wagging way to put me in my place for "promoting promiscuity." (Lemme also just say that I do not promote promiscuity. I promote women exploring their own sexual satisfaction, and that can occur with as few as one or as many as 1000 different sex partners.) This fear-mongering that people try to feed me about date rape is along the same lines as the fear-mongering in the war on terror. It's a way to control people's behavior by taking a very real threat and magnifying it to an unrealistic level.

We can't live our lives constantly in fear, because constantly being afraid makes us cowards, weaker, lesser. Instead, we should all be accountable for our own actions, strive for autonomy, and if we are truly to be independent creatures, we need to learn how to deal with our socio-sexual interactions with men, without having to go running to a third party all the time to handle shit for us. Maybe that sounds really harsh. But it's the truth. And like Hoff Sommers says, "The truth is no enemy to compassion." Just because I believe that there are preventative measures that can be taken to avoid date rape, doesn't mean that I think that women who were date raped "deserved it" or "asked for it." It does not mean that I hate women, and it does not mean that I think that women who are raped are stupid. On the contrary, I like to believe that women are too smart to be undermined in such a way to assume that they can't be in control of their own bodies and own choices. (These are all various things that I've said within the comments of this site, but I think it bears some repeating, since I've been accused of being a "rape apologist.")

So here's the thing: You might not agree with any of the things that I or the women I've discussed believe. But that doesn't mean that I, them or you are not feminists. We are all feminists.

And now that I'm through with that, I can get back to talkin' 'bout fuckin'.

Comments

[hughman]

well said doll. i don't agree with all your references (Paglia - meh) but i certainly agree with your right to believe whoever you do. sorry you were quieted where you work, they could have done more with this viewpoint of where you stand. "feminism" like being gay (as I am) has many features. not all may agree on all aspects but there's a certain goal to which we attain - equality for all. i admire you for keeping this ideal in your head rather than getting sidelined by the other crap.

[s]

thanks slut machine. well put. i've enjoyed your writing on this site for quite a while, and appreciate your honesty and humor. i'm not really a fan of jezebel, and i miss your posts over on this site! hope you have time to do more.

[Suzie Magnee]

I think that it's about time to stop reading these words you call a feminist blog. As a feminist you can "think" all you want to about "women's issues", but your actions do speak louder than your words. Susan B. Anthony is probably turning in her grave. You are putting women, not even feminists, to shame with your attitude, outlook, and disregard. You words are trash and shouldn't be taken with any more validity than a cheap add in a porno mag.

[ct]

Cheap ad in a pr0n mag? Fucking is fun, and the risk of date rape decreases the more experienced you are. You don't get lost if you know your way around town. That goes for not just sex, but business, personal finance, shopping for plasma TVs, or finding the right doctor. It is true regardless of gender, race or orientation.

[eg]

Well said. Emma Goldman, for example, talked about how women's suffrage was useless (!) because democracy was/is a joke and true emancipation comes from the self - the refusal to be a servant. Because she downplayed (but never denied) societal pressures and norms, she could have easily been described as anti-feminist. She's also a great feminist. So who knows.

But Camille Paglia is full of shit. She thinks men are better thinkers because they urinate in a transcendental arc.

[squeakel]

This is sort of an aside, but it really chaps my hide when women are scolded for putting off motherhood for their career. I don't know a single woman who has done this. Every chick I know who has entered motherhood late did so because they couldn't find the right guy. Every single one.

[Shulie]

This has got to be the stupidest collection of words in the history of the internet.

Is it any wonder SM can only win an 'argument' when she's typing on her blog, with no other people involved?

[Sarah]

Thanks for saying that. You are so good at expressing the exact things I, and I'm sure many other women, think about a lot, which is why you are the wildly amazing writer - not me!

"And now that I'm through with that, I can get back to talkin' 'bout fuckin'." -- amen.

Love you SM!

[Elizabeth Curran]

When I was working on staff at a certain British music magazine another male staffer sent round a group email saying there was no way I could be a feminist because I liked AC/DC.

[Mariana]

Very good. Now must go help husband achieve a great day look....

[purejuice]

i had a nearly genocidal war over the word "dworkian" which i don't want to relive -- just because i said, and demonstrated, that dwork never said or believed all sex is rape.

not going there.

i think you rock, and i did understand when i saw the transcript that while being castigated at work you're not being allowed to respond.

which doesn't seem fair but, oh well.

as what you might call a vintage feminist, i do believe the rise of date rape and rape has coincided with the rise of the tiger/soccer/security mom, who believes in every possible catastrophe, including germs, for her children. i think its connected to the epidemic of eating disorders, and i don't know where it's coming from.

i do think inordinate anxiety comes from the 24/7 CNN type news loop, in which the news judgment is slanted toward germs, epidemics, terror and other train-wreck mentality stuff which makes good horror video.

i think you're absolutely right about not taking other "feminists" on. there's massive bullshit out there, all of the afro pomo homo PC kind, which is, in a word FASCIST.

power to the people. dude.

[purejuice]

p.s. i know somebody in the sex poz queer movement who was literally called "a tool of the man" because, weighing in at perhaps 400 lbs., and having worked in the fat poz movement, she was going to...uh, alter some eating patterns? i forget how she had to put it.
a tool of the man.
you're a tool of the man. dude. i knew i liked you.

[Harvey B]

This reminds me of Dan Savage telling gays disappointed with the "gay community" that there is no gay community.

The groups are so large and diverse that it's impossible to talk in anything but generalities. Plus, once you start talking about "false consciousness" it gets so presumptuous and doctrinaire that individual liberty gets minimized. But I'd generally argue that a "bad feminist" is the one that acts out of cowardice.

[YouStillSuck]

Hoff Sommers came under attack for criticizing what she sees as the "victimization" of women.

Patai has taken crap for calling out the "heterophobia" within contemporary feminism.

Hewlett was hated for her book Creating a Life, in which she points out that as career women, we need to be realistic about our biological clocks...

And Tracie managed to say that women who are date raped get raped because they aren't "like smart" and that a 13 yr old girl must have asked for it - to be raped and ass fucked- because she knew what a qualude was...

I fail to see the comparison between you and your statements and these examples of couragous COMPASSIONATE feminists with something truly thought provoking and intellegent to say. Their ideas were carefully thought out to edify women...not a childish attempt to be "edgy" that results in hurting and insulting them...

You're not a "bad feminist"...you're just an immature, cold, insensitive, self-centered bitch.

[JMW]

Shulie, why don't you run out and play, and let the adults talk now.

Here here, SM. I kind of surmised you were speaking from a Paglian school of thought, and it's only too bad you had to spell it out for those who assumed you were talking out of your ass.

Ironic, too, that the most ignorant and judgemental readers pointing fingers at 'bad feminism' are those who possess little to no understanding of its theoretical underpinnings.

[lvv]

I don't think you deserve to be vilified for your life choices or haircut. But I do think it makes someone a bad, or at least incredibly lazy feminist to dismiss Andrea Dworkin, the Malcolm X of late-twentieth-century feminism, out of hand repeatedly because of this tired "all sex is rape" meme, which purejuice pointed out is not even accurate.

From the above it sounds as if you are putting yourself in the company of serious writers like Paglia, Hoff Summers, Bright, and that is, forgive me, delusional. I sort of doubt you've extensively read anyone listed, with the exception of Stoller and that's because you probably had to proofread her knitting essays in your former employ.

And just FYI, Dworkin's fiction is pornier than anything I've ever read here. Just saying.

[lvv]

I am sorry because my previous comment seems snotty and a bit harsh. But I do think it would have been better for you to stop repeatedly defending yourself until you had a bit more time and perspective on the whole Lizz debacle (and BTW I think she's an ass and a bully). Your defenses seem hastily cobbled together. But I think you could have something really solid to say about all this stuff a few months from now. But of course, that's just what I would do and this is your blog.

Peace.

[tps12]

I think it's a little unfair to suggest that some of the women named have been unfairly vilified by highlighting fairly innocuous claims they've made. Hoff Sommers and Paglia in particular have gone well beyond objecting to "victimization" or whatever, and have each to a large extent based their careers on undermining feminist tenets.

There's also no reason to paint yourself as an iconoclast in the Hoff Sommers/Paglia mold: the feminist bloggers who have defended you (more than half of the ones I read, but those do tend to skew younger) would certainly not consider Paglia a feminist (at least in her public persona) and saw no reason to try to revoke your membership.

[No]

The harshness of these comments is incredible. Don't be intimidated - stand your fucking ground.

[ThatGuy]

I found this post to be boring and flat, maybe because feminism does not seem relevant anymore, my boss is a woman, her boss is a woman, my towns mayor is a woman, my lawyer, judges, who fucking cares anymore? Is feminism about equal rights or just so heavy ego females have something to talk about.... lame. Love yah Tracie, but missed the point here

[Ethical Slut]

"And now that I'm through with that, I can get back to talkin' 'bout fuckin'"

Promise? Because.....yeah.

[haley]

this is the post that should have come immediately after the whole incident.

i felt really conflicted by what i saw in those videos and in lizz's articles. i didn't know who was really right or wrong, or if i was offended, or why i was offended by the end.

in the end it made me realize that you two just exhibited some bad behaviour that isn't an indicator of your overall career as feminists or writers and i knew i wasn't going to let one bad incident change my point of view forever.

HOWEVER. i have to say. the way you posted that video and the entire transcript struck me as childish at best. this article here completely sums up what was wrong and what was right about the whole situation - everything else was unnecessary.

you've now proven you know how to explain yourself and apologize without pointing the finger at someone else. i hope this is how you always deal with situations like this from now on, because i think we all know situations like this are sometimes unavoidable. its how people behave afterwards that matter.

[Daniela]

I agree with you 100%. I think it's great when a woman can have casual sex and NOT fear getting raped. You are not a bad feminist if you can embrace things that are considered female and enjoy things men enjoy with the same openness they've enjoyed them. Just because I like to cook and want children doesn't mean the way I think takes us back 50 years. I also like to fuck and take advantage of birth control (not ready for children). We don't always have to do exactly what men can do; we have the power of doing more. I cook for my husband, because I enjoy it, but he washes the dishes. Feminism is about women being able to openly express themselves. I ALWAYS speak my mind and NO ONE can shut me up. THAT makes me a good feminist and makes YOU a good feminist. Other so called feminist are taking us back 50 years trying to shut us up. On the date rape thing, if men can have casual sex and not have to worry about becoming victims, why can't we?

[Ashley]

"... and if we are truly to be independent creatures, we need to learn how to deal with our socio-sexual interactions with men, without having to go running to a third party all the time to handle shit for us."

I'm confused. What third party are you talking about here? Because it sort of comes off sounding like you're suggesting women who are raped shouldn't report it, and dear God, I really hope that's not what you mean.

[HN1]

I love your writing Tracie and I think it will take more time to gain some perspective. It's only because so many of your readers have respected (and defended) you for so long that they've felt so embarrassed these past few weeks.

I think working in a feminist environment, not to mention New York, can sort of skew your views. You read and write about date rape all day and any idiot commenters are banned, you sort of forget what the rest of the internet – and the country, and the world – can be like. Even just drifting onto one of Gawker's other sites, Jalopnik or io9, can be a smack in the face if you don't want to weigh in on a woman's fuckability. Try starting or following a discussion about rape on a non-feminist message board and the cries of 'Women rape men, too!' and 'False accusations are through the roof!' are deafening.

That aside, I agree that there are no 'bad feminists,' though I'm not sure I like the religious comparisons. I want feminists to constantly question and reshape their views, not blindly follow preset dogma. Like, say, vegetarians, there is always going to be someone to judge and someone who'll judge you ('You eat dairy products?' 'You shave your legs?')... not that there's anything wrong with that! I hate this weird American 'don't judge me' culture that doesn't promote critical thinking. I want intelligent discussion, dammit!

[Beatrice Springfield]

You are terrific SM, truly fantastic. The issue at hand is unresolvable, forcing two non-compatible natures to agree? This is the "tragedy" folk versus the "comedy" folk. WWCGD? (George Carlin)

[Beatrice Springfield]

That's WWGCD. I'm a dumb man.

[Maria]

Tracie this was really beautiful and I really wish you could have put this up on Jezebel.

[Susan B.]

@ThatGuy: Are you kidding? That's great about your town, but a) do you really think everyone's town is like that? and b) do you really think that means there are no other inequalities? Nothing about equal pay or reproductive rights or the dismally low rate of rape convictions? No? Feminism is moot?

@ct: Are there actually statistics on sexual experience decreasing the likelihood of date rape? I'd be interested in knowing more.

[ladyslipper]

This was interesting, although it seemed like you are only willing to talk about a very narrow slice of the argument - you know, the one part you have something clever to say about.

You just pretend like all the rest of the criticism doesn't exist. I personally don't give a shit if you are a feminist or not.

By the way, Paglia is a raging joke among most women I know, academic and otherwise. She's famous in the "I can't look away" train wreck kind of way. I've never met a single person who lends credence to anything she says.

Until now, I guess.

[youguysarefeminists?]

I still don't get why some of you bitches are even here. For people that seem to hate SM so much, you sure spend a lot of time worrying about what she's saying. Get a life. If anyone gave a shit about what you had to say, we'd be reading it on your website after your appearance on a TV show. When I want to hear your opinions, I'll go to the Burger King and ask you for them. Or I'll just pick up the newest Cosmo since I'm sure that's where most of you get your insight in the first place.

And those of you who either suggested Tracie never read these writers she identified with, or the ones who proved her point by going ahead and dismissing them as bad feminists, I mean fuck... what can I even say to you guys? I'd probably have to put it in a country song or a bible to get you to pay attention anyways, so I'll keep it short and just say fuck you.

[Susan B.]

@ladyslipper: Agreed. This is the woman who argues that male urination is spiritually transcendant, some sort of justification of male dominance?

http://users.actrix.co.nz/ruthiebabesot//cwk_no1_camille_small01.jpg

[Susan B.]

@youguysarefeminists?: If no one should care what we say, why should we care what you say?

Jeez people, blogs don't have to have comment forums. Don't get all in a-twitter just because people use them.

[ha]

Ohhh, you've proven yourself to Haley; let's all break into song!

I truly hope these inconsequential twats have as little influence in the real world as they do in your comments page, 'cause the preciousness of that overture made me gag a little.

[mariaaaaa]

Nicely put.

[ladyslipper]

@youguysarefeminists: Who are you, the blog police? Tracie is a big girl who can moderate her own comments. Take your own advice and go write about it on your own blog if you can't handle being part of a public commentary.

By the way, shouldn't you be in school? Junior High is too important to miss, young lady!

[lolife]

It's hilarious how commenters like Suzie Magnee and YouStillSuck absolutely don't get it. If you don't agree with them you are, apparently, a "insensitive, self-centered bitch".

No, disagreement is GOOD. That is what I took from what SM was saying. You don't have to agree you just have to quit demonizing people who disagree with you as "bad feminists". None of us have a monopoly on "good" feminism just like none of us have a monopoly on being good people.

It's a process, not a destination, and I have personally been horrified by the intolerant self-righteousness of many so-called feminists during this debacle.

[kat]

awesome.
finally, you've put your thoughts together in a well-constructed way.
if people tear you apart now, honey, they're being assholes.

[CheekyWench]

Well Done SM! Excellent points indeed!

[Belour]

Eh...

This does clear up some things...sort of...but like ladyslipper stated, I believe that some things weren't addressed.

But whatever.
People will be people.

Can't wait to read your next entries Tracie!

[Sammi]

Good God. I've read the last few posts and I can't believe how nasty people are with their comments! I wonder if people realize they're talking to another human being. I had a friend who blogged for an online magazine and I watched a few cruel "regulars" chip away - they really got to him. You probably have thicker skin - he was just out of high school - but STILL.
Anyway, I admire you for putting yourself out there.

P.S. I think it's hilarious that "thatguy" made his name "thatguy" - because in every college seminar or discussion or whatever there's always that one guy who says something ridiculous like feminism is irrelevant. At least he knows he's THAT guy. I can't even be annoyed.

[Kristy H]

Hello my fellow whorebag. After watching you on tape, I was horrified and embarrassed to be of the same sex as you. Yet, as I continue to read, I realize that there is a brain within your skull and you perhaps do have opinions based upon respected ideologies. I only wish that you could have been more responsible with your wording -and perhaps sounded as intelligent as you write...

Preparation, dear. Earn respect. And it's partly that whore Lizz's fault for giving two intelligent girls wine before they go on the air. Like c'mon - it was totally a set-up! lol

[Liz]

I just don't understand all these haters on your blog, SM. I believe many of the same things you do about feminism, and have been called a "bad" feminist before (especially by my mother!!). There is no such thing as a bad feminist, just one who views that central tenet and all the accompanying stuff in a different way. Beautifully said in this post.

[christy]

i've been reading about this whole debacle and i really have no idea what people are so upset about. you have an opinion that is based on careful thought and is congruent with your apparent belief system. what the fuck is the problem with that?
anyway, i still think you're awesome.

[TinkishDelight]

God damn it Tracie. Why don't you write more on Jezebel? I've said it once before, while I love your video selection, your wit and humor is totally under appreciated. I'm down for signing a petition.

[ashley]

Tracie,

Get over it. You are a disgusting mess and a disgrace to women everywhere. Feminist does not mean slut.

[kate]

I don't think the things you said make you a bad feminist. I think the things you said make you come off as a bad person. I'm not saying you are one--I don't presume to know you or anything beyond what I see on these here interwebs. But saying time and again, "Feminism is not monolithic," does not really mean anything. This isn't really even about feminism, in my opinion. It's about common human decency, which you seem to lack when you essentially blame people for being victimized when they don't deserve the blame. You can throw around $2 words and name drop all you want; you're still not addressing the fact that what you said was cold-hearted.

[nuwhitney]

slutmachine!
christine hoff sommers!!!
blech barf puke
campus feminists and i totally protested her when college republicans invited her last fall. she name drops more than a has been's tell-all. but i see where youre coming from although i just dont know how i feel about the theory that every woman is a feminist. albeit you dont say that in your article, its something i hear all the time. i know that there arent requirements but still it annoys me. i guess i like feminists who are my type of feminists, you know? anyways i fucking love Jezebel! a lot of my friends read feministing but your site isnt so dont your throat about it. and the articles are built for perfection! also i cant believe people say that shit about you! i think you and all the writers at Jezebel are fucking cool. and i think im pretty cool myself. so uh...back to the fucking when you get a chance, but your fans will wait. make yo paper, boo. ps have you done the goldberg film boy? hes so fucking adorable!
love you

[merin]

I liked this post even if I haven't thought out whether I agree with its finer points or not. Regardless, I applaud your idea that it should always be ok to talk about women's issues just as it is ok to disagree with views that are expressed about them. It should always be a continuous discourse where heads butt in an intelligent manner.

Anyway, I also wanted to say that I really enjoy your posts and site. I too am a promiscuous woman and months after starting to read your site and Jez, I found out I had an std (mulluscum contagiosum, fyi) and instead of being mildly embarrassed about it, I told people and now it is a hilarious joke. my friends and hook-ups were cool about it because i owned up to it, explained it, and could poke fun at it (well, not physically poke for another 2 weeks). I think there is something to be said for a person who laughs at those things that are unnecessarily shameful and inspires honesty.

thanks.

[observatrix]

I wouldn't say you were a bad feminist, Tracie, but you might, in fact, be an unintelligent one. That's what people are asking you to consider. You can cite names all you like, but even from your description above it's pretty easy to see you have not read these books. You have, instead, abstracted from descriptions of what these women say. I mean, good God, Bright and Hoff Summers are light years from each other.

But yes, you are much better at writing about fucking than you are at writing about feminism, so likely best to go back to that.