Do You Believe in Magic?

Ever since I wore out my old vibrator, I hadn’t been as enthusiastic about masturbating. Yeah, I still did it all the time, but it took a lot more effort to get there. Sometimes I would use like two bullets and a slim vibe all at the same time, and it still didn’t equal the power of my dearly departed Dr. Scholl’s. I’d occasionally even stoop to using my hand, high-school style. With my heart pounding and my arm sore, I realized I was too out of shape for that shit.

Thankfully, a boy gave me this for Christmas.

A Hitachi Magic Wand!!!

It may have been the first time ever in the history of opening presents that I 100% meant it when I exclaimed, “Just what I always wanted!"

I really have always wanted a Hitachi Magic Wand. I don’t know why I never dragged my ass down to Babeland and bought one for myself. I think I used to tell myself it was too expensive and that I’d be able to get one for free somehow. Of course, I’ve probably spent 10 times that price on coke in a 4-month period, but I suppose all of that doesn’t matter since I did end up getting the Wand for free, albeit years and years later.

Lemme just say that this sucker is aptly named. It truly is magical. I can have it on my crotch for like 90 seconds before I come. It’s like when Emeril adds garlic: Bam! Over and over again until I’m all red and sore. I love it. I really do.

The boy who gave it to me is the same boy who gave me the “Fuck My Face” necklace. He is officially the best gift giver. It was a given that I’d break in this present in his presence.

I came really fucking hard a bunch of times, at least four, with my pants on. The boy yanked them down and jammed his ween in there. When he pulled it out he was like, “Holy shit! Look at how wet it is! I’ve never seen it like this.”

His dick was sopping wet and shiny, with stringy mucusy threads still attached to me. I’d never seen it like that either. I sorta wish he’d said something like, “Vadge, I’m soaking in it!”

“Put that thing on me,” he motioned toward the Wand. That wasn’t such an unusual request. A lot of guys have played around with my vibrators, wanting me to place them on their balls or something for a few seconds. Also, boys have told me that they like the way it feels when they’re in me and I use a vibe on my clit. (I’ve found that the best way to execute this is to spoon fuck on my side.)

Anyway, he wanted the Wand on the underside of his shaft. He made a crazy face, like he was on a rollercoaster or something. I think he even said, “Ahhh!”

Then the craziest shit happened. He was able to come—from my vibrator! You know, I often say that I’ve been around the block so many times that my pedometer has advanced back to zero. That’s no bullshit. But of all the dudes I’ve been with, and of all the crazy sex shit I’ve done, I’ve never seen a guy come from a vibrator.

It’s kind of nice, actually, knowing that there are fun surprises left for me to wrap my legs around. I guess my sexual life is like a perpetual advent calendar. There are still doors left for me to open.

Comments

[Rich]

"It was a given that I’d break in this present in his presence."

This reminds me of the bathroom rap couplet of "I'm horny in your presence / I wanna give you presence," which, incidentally, was the best gift I ever gave you, I think.

OMG inside jokes!!!!

[Rich]

Oops. God. Way to fuck it up burn-out. "...I wanna give you presents." Can you fix that and delete this and then we'll never speak of my messing up such an easy pun again?

[slut machine]

haha, when i wrote that i thought of when you sang that. you sang it when i was peeing.

[♥dex]

You. Fucking. SLUT. HYSTERICAL!

I feel like such an idiot that I can never really say anything wittier than that...but damnit, you ARE.

Seriously--Dr. Slut & Rich...two of the funniest bloggers around. Thank goddess for you both; you really have brightened my 2006.

Here's to more ruined Hanky Panky panties in 2007!

And for the love of all that is comedy, do NOT delete Rich's fuck-up. It's good to know even a paragon like him can falter. ;)

[♥dex]

Oh...and you got me all atwitter with my stroking you both off, I forgot to mention I went through the same thing recently; vibe broke, too lazy to replace, too lazy to stroke.

Then my mother of all people gave it to me. HALLELUJAH!

Nothing like being back in business.

[Rabbit]

Okay, which brings me to a question my friends and I thought you could answer, SM... What do you do with a broken down vibrator? I recently got my first rabbit (actually, first vibrator period) and, 'cause I live in an environmentally conscious city, my second thought (after "WOOHOO!") was "How do you dispose of this thing when it's no longer usable?" So... thoughts? Just put 'er in the trash and let the dirty old man neighbors think what they will?

[syddo]

You totally motivated me to order a Magic Wand with my long-ignored Babeland gift card. I can't wait 'til it gets here! Hope you have a good New Years Miss slut machine.

[slut machine]

yeah, i just throw them in the trash. recently, a bottle of lube opened up in my stash box and got all inside the speed control of one of my bullets. i just tossed it.

[tami]

Totally the best investment a girl could make - my magic wand has gotten more than its fair share of use - but now my wires at the top are split! don't worry - one set still connects so if you hold it a certain way i can still get it to work - and yes i am just that desperate , real men mean nothin in comparison to my Hitachi - and when it eventually RIP's - which is very soon - I will in deed probably cry.