Write On!

I went to Atlantic City last week. I love going to the trashy shops on the boardwalk, where they sell iguanas, junk jewelry, hooker dresses, and novelty sex items.

I was lucky enough to find a pen with my name on it.

Each time you click the top, the little window on the side will give you different reasons on why you are a slut. I went through the list to see if I am actually the slut I claim to be.

"You lost count of your past sex partners."
Check

"You don't know who is your baby's daddy."
Check—except they weren't babies, they were a mass of cells.

"You are on your knees more than your feet."
Nah. I'm on my ass more than anything.

"You have a prize collection of STDs."
Does chronic UTI count?

But whatever, I don't need a pen to tell me who I am. I write my own history.

Comments

[john smith]

you miss me. you get so few comments without me. i made hate fun. and now it's all dark days and rain, even salt water taffy has lost its taste. std tests are no longer exciting and the antobiotics are even rougher on your stomach. bring back jonny smitherines you say? i shall, you just have to give me something worth hating on. its all been too tame. i await. xo

[Dick]

You know, sometimes the proud-to-be-slutty thing is persuasive, and sometimes, like in this post, you just seem so sad.

[Mr. Malone]

Can't be sad when you've got a clicky pen!

[Lisa]

I don't think you seem sad at all. I think you're confident and fabulous! You do write your own history and there's nothing wrong with that history including a multitude of D's!

[Neocon-pincher]

I love the insipid psychoanalysis you seem to bring out in retards.

You rock, girl!

[Tanith]

I love Neocon-pincher. Always so funny.

I swear that half your readers are poli sci or cultural theory grad students.

'Cause you're smart and amazing and progressive. So keep it real, mi hermana.

[Sarah]

first: give me that pen, bitch.

second: if i order in bulk, will there be a discount?

third: don't be a dick, dick.

xoxo,
CA

[john smith]

neocon-pincher is great, what with his SAT level vocabulary and vapid erotica (neocon, ill give ya that word, vapid, for a dime). he always keeps me glued to the screen with his creative come backs and insults ("retards" anyone?). he also has really sweet progressive hobbies such as "killing Islamist terrorists" and "welding" as well as "big-bore handguns"; he is obviously a renaissance man, the kind that likes to "string them coloreds up". his musical tastes, so good, insightful and talented bands such as Disturbed and Nickelback, even Kansas! well knock me down with a tire iron! i think we got ourselves a hillbilly ladies and gents. use the handgun fetish and do us all a favor, smoke a discount cigarette, listen to a "rockin" Nickleback tune, then put the 50 caliber you have under your bed at moms trailer and pull the trigger.

[Lee Masheter]

So... You want him to shoot something under the bed?

It's a funny thing about flaming somebody for using words and English; if you can't do it yourself, you end up looking like (you'll love this) a retard.