Yo, this is kinda off topic for me as it’s not about sex. Although eating/shitting and sex are all sorta the same—you know, in and out. Also, this does regard Williamsburg, which I’ve had sex with.
I just wanted to point out the craziness that is taking place on the FreeWilliamsburg.com comments page regarding Union Picnic.
Union Picnic is a cute enough little diner in Williamsburg that serves up comfort food. And while it generally receives favorable reviews (mainly from foodies in Manhattan), the eatery has become notorious to locals for incredibly slow delivery, rude employees and jacked-up prices for simple, greasy-spoon fare.
The thread on FreeWilliamsburg.com has been a place were such grievances were aired, but nothing so completely negative—until Suzy O’Brien, the batshit loonball who owns U.P. began making posts in the wee hours of the morning in November 2005, which set off an eight-month odyssey of Suzy berating her customers (calling them jackasses, putzes, and bitches), telling people to eat at other places, promising to raise prices, and mocking posts for misspellings and incorrect grammar.
“this malformed attempt at a sentence shows that you can't spell, nor can you form a correct sentence. this DOES concern me, as it points to a definite lack in the educational system in the united states. you sound stupid ... why would anyone listen to you? buzz off, already.”
People felt compelled, more than ever, to talk about how much they hate the staff.
“the attitude from the waiters is ridiculous. I can't understand it. Why do you give your CUSTOMERS (who are keeping you in business AND tipping you even though you really don't deserve it) attitude. The "hipster too cool for school" mentality is so LAME. So, you have tattoos and you wear ugly clothes, GREAT. So, you can name a bunch of obscure bands and your boyfriend is one of them. Great.”
They also began addressing Suzy personally, calling her out for being a total weirdo for trying to bully people into not having opinions in a space created for opinions. They took her to task for something else, too:
“Hey Suzy - get off the drugs. The coke is really getting to you, seriously.”
Suzy’s response?
“COKE? what in hell are you talking about? everybody who is ANYBODY knows that i'm a drunkard ... not a cokehead.”
Oh, and she made that last post at like 6 am.
The thread is still active right now, and Suzy (who constantly talks about how they’re sooooo busy over there) has the time to keep responding to people. She’s totally insane. I love it.
While I don’t suggest that you order anything from this place (the staff really, truly are assholes) I definitely recommend that you read this fucking thread.
NINE CHANCES OUT OF TEN, the broad's a loon.
Posted by: Rich | July 26, 2006 at 03:20 PM
OK you are now my hero. I live in Baltimore and now want to go to this place just for the abuse. Maybe they could market that. That link was one of the best things I've seen online in a while!! Cheers!
Posted by: toonsNtunes | July 27, 2006 at 04:19 PM
FYI - The buffalo shrimp are DELICIOUS. Everything else isn't worth the price.
Posted by: Foxy | July 28, 2006 at 09:40 AM
dude -- we live right down the street and used to go there all the time but stopped because she scared the shit out of us. girl is a MESS. last time i was there she was trying to wrangle her enormous (and very lovable) dog and smoke a cigarette in her own restaurant when one of the customers asked her to take it outside -- she stormed out, complaining that everyone in this city was getting "so FAGGY".
Posted by: buzz | August 01, 2006 at 04:39 PM
the broad's not a loon. she left the restaurant a year and half ago because it was driving her crazy, and, yes, buzz is right, she was A MESS at that time.
to the writer of this blog - it's not "simple, greasy-spoon fare", nor is the restaurant notorious for "incredibly slow delivery, rude employees and jacked-up prices". the average price of an entree is less than $10. did you do any research before you started spouting you bullshit?
about "the batshit loonball who owns U.P. began making posts in the wee hours of the morning in November 2005" - i left the restaurant to trade the stock market, and i AM up in the wee hours for precisely that reason. you really don't have a clue.
union "generally receives favorable reviews (mainly from foodies in Manhattan)", yes, indeed,for instance, this morning, when the GM of balthazhar and her partner and daughter had brunch, they complimented us highly and told us that they had been looking for a place just like ours.
eight month oddessey? i've checked into that site a few times over the past year.
so, no grudge, but, really, if you're trying to snark, you're failing, sorry toons, no abuse available. BTW, have you ever met me? about the staff being "really, truly assholes" i'll have to believe you. i've heard that, i've fired them, and i apologize to you. i'm not nuts, there's no real story here. come by for some fried green tomatoes and sweet tea.
Posted by: suzy | August 06, 2006 at 07:54 PM
oops, forgot something. it's not "comfort food" whatever that is ('80's much?) and right now i'm hot on the trail of cuba and the big three so's i can make lots of money this week. what are you going to do, failed snarker? really, the gofugs have got it, you have not. not one bit. just stick to whatever it is you do, and don't agitate your betters.
kisses.
Posted by: suzy | August 06, 2006 at 08:31 PM
Aww, Suzy, I'm so flattered that you took the time to drop by. I'm glad to see you're taking a break from restaurant stress by focusing on trading stocks. We all know how soothing and relaxing that career is.
Posted by: slut machine | August 07, 2006 at 12:02 AM
Go Fug Yourself really does have the market cornered on Williamsburg reporting and jizz-in-eye antics, SM. Listen to Suzy and GIVE IT UP.
Posted by: Rich | August 07, 2006 at 04:59 PM
i love that suzy wrote a somewhat civil response at 7:54pm, and then wrote a much less civil post-script a whole thirty-seven minutes later. ah, the sweet sweet fruits of cocaine-induced grudges, intermittently eating away at the overly defensive!
Posted by: soren | August 16, 2006 at 03:36 AM
I love that suzy is so easily aggravated. (coke?). She really is insane. That entire thread explains how her over-inflated ego caused the demise of one of her two businesses. I wonder when Eddie will drop her ass! You rock. And I like GFY too.
Posted by: Julie | August 16, 2006 at 08:41 AM
i closed bean because i chose to close bean - two restaurants = one too many. i have other things to do.
no coke, either. you two really might think about closing this site until you get a grip, as you sound oddly stupid.
Posted by: suzy | August 17, 2006 at 04:07 AM
i closed bean because i chose to close bean - two restaurants = one too many. i have other things to do.
no coke, either. you two really might think about closing this site until you get a grip, as you sound oddly stupid.
Posted by: suzy | August 17, 2006 at 04:08 AM
um, nice work on the site, what with the multiple posts ... get it, much? assholes.
Posted by: suzy | August 17, 2006 at 04:10 AM
you know something, slutmachine? there's really not a whole lot more important in this world than the inane trivia on which you are focused , is there?
we're all right behind you. we want nothing more than nothing, the stuff you talk about. you don't write, you yak about garbage.
it's evident that you have nothing else to do, nothing else in your head, and that you are supremely boring.
you're a gigantic YAWN, girl.
i'm just sayin'.
Posted by: suzy | August 17, 2006 at 04:22 AM
Suuuuuzaaaay!
http://i35.photobucket.com/albums/d188/olp4evr/jackee.jpg
Posted by: Rich | August 17, 2006 at 03:33 PM
Suzy! You're the best. Thanks for adding something to my nothing.
Posted by: slut machine | August 17, 2006 at 03:37 PM
oh and guys, this nutjob actually e-mailed me personally. Wow, lots of time on her hands without "bean" the restaurant that was "filled to the rafters every night". So, if you guys are getting e-mails, you're not alone.
Posted by: Julie | August 17, 2006 at 04:18 PM
Suzy- Are you really still responding to posts about your restaurant? You are unbelievable. I can't believe you came to some other blog that was simply pointing out the other message board to bitch and moan. You have issues.
Posted by: Jaime | August 17, 2006 at 04:31 PM
once again, julie, you're completely out of the running. the restaurant that was "filled to the rafters" is union, not bean. you don't pay attention, dear, and you're not credible.
and jaime, you're evidently retarded. yup, i responded to a post, about myself, on a blog. CAN YOU EVEN BELIEVE IT? idiot.
and rich, why the pic of jackee? is there some meaning there, in your tiny little head?
about "Wow, lots of time on her hands without 'bean'" - julie, honey, no doubt that i have a lot of time on my hands compared to the time that you have for yourself, because i've got the brainpower to respond to crap like this in minutes. none of this takes much time. can you even BELIEVE IT? check your email, asshole.
Posted by: suzy | August 18, 2006 at 05:48 AM
julie, i quote your statement -"Although eating/shitting and sex are all sorta the same"
who has issues, me? are you kidding? what a horrid thing to think, to say. eating and shitting and sex are all sorta the same ... why do i bother? well, i bother because of your inflammatory statements about me, but, STILL ... you're what the shrinks, in whose opinions, by the way, i am not greatly vested, call a case of arrested development - perhaps they might have a subcategory that refers to a case of non-development.
you feel that eating and shitting and sex are all the same, do you? have you ever HAD sex? there's something missing in your progression as a human ... ergo, the blog, i'm afraid.
also, you know, it is telling that you refer to another person, one you have not met, as "insane" and as a "nutjob". weird, too, that you would call a person a cocaine addict, with no evidence, except for your reference to anecdota
from a blog written by another person who is evidently as clueless as are you. do you know that you can't do that, in law?
what time is it? do you want to talk about how insane i am to be up at this time? the market has rallied for 3 days in a row after a prolonged bear market. i cleared my shorts out at the 11 a.m. yesterday, i'm not buying anything today based on my idea that there is an overvaluation of equities based on a rather odd run-up, and i'm only holding options right now. i'm mostly in cash. i'll look to see what's going on. everybody else was going to cash in the third and fourth month of the bear market. i held my shorts and made a fortune. do you have any idea at all what it is i'm talking about? can you cook? do you know that i owned ladybird with billy basinski, my best friend, and that we were featured in wallpaper magazine? also in nest? do you KNOW ANYTHING AT ALL?
reference the email i sent to you, which illustrates that "defamation per se as allegations or imputations "injurious to another in their trade, business, or profession" is SLANDER, NOT LIBEL, and it is extant in the state of new york.
defamation per se, baby. SLANDER. i've got you by the short hairs, whoever you are, and i suggest you cooperate with me fortwith. i'm not kidding, asshole.
Posted by: suzy | August 18, 2006 at 06:21 AM
Oh my God. I think that we are witnessing what some would call a "psychotic break". I don't know where you got "shitting, eating, having sex" etc. I have never posted anything remotely close to that. I was enjoying the crazy banter of some lunatic restaraunt owner who was insulting her customers. Period. Get help. Get medicine. Get off the boards. I think that you are losing it.
Posted by: Julie | August 18, 2006 at 07:36 AM
Julie, I agree, we are definitely witnessing someone in the throes of a psychotic breakdown. Every response she makes, she's just digging herself a hole thats getting deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper....
Suzy, you are providing a lot of people with some great entertainment! Keep it up!
Posted by: Jaime | August 18, 2006 at 11:26 AM
But for real, I do miss Bean. Every time it's mentioned, I get a pain in my heart.
Posted by: Rich | August 18, 2006 at 01:30 PM
I know that we've never been seen together, so it might fuel rumors, but Julie and slut machine are not the same person.
Keep 'em coming, Suzy.
Posted by: slut machine | August 18, 2006 at 01:30 PM
Although I do feel a kindred spirit in you slut machine. I visit every day. Keep up the great work (my doppleganger).
Posted by: Julie | August 19, 2006 at 07:42 AM
Hi everybody,
More disturbing news from the suzy front: She looked me up and tried to call me at home. Luckily, I was married almost a year ago, moved and so she cannot reach me (as I have a new name). Is this the scariest thing or what?
Posted by: Julie | August 21, 2006 at 07:49 AM
"how are things in grandview heights, dear? something wrong with your
phone?"
This was e-mailed to me three times. Is this a little "single white female" or is it me?
Posted by: Julie | August 21, 2006 at 07:53 AM
Julie that is so scary, what a nutjob. I would be afraid of what she is capable of. You should call the police.
Posted by: Jaime | August 21, 2006 at 10:05 AM
omg! i really thought she was just a harmless kook with short temper. she's so out of line. i mean, that's really taking things way too far. julie, just ignore her. and see what legal action you could take, in case she gets really unpredictable.
Posted by: slut machine | August 21, 2006 at 05:07 PM
don't flatter yourself, julie. i wanted to tell you off for posting bullshit ("someone in the throes of a psychotic break"; "how her over-inflated ego caused the demise of one of her two businesses. I wonder when Eddie will drop her ass!") about somebody you don't know. believe me, i have no desire to travel to columbus, ohio for any reason whatsoever. oh, the drama. i guess there's not much else to do in columbus, sigh. you're a silly cunt posting your silly opinions about something with which you have nothing to do. get over yourself. yawn. BTW, why post in such an incendiary manner, with your full name and e.mail address included, if you are so SCARED that somebody might call you on it? go fuck yourself, JULIE.
Posted by: suzy obrien | August 23, 2006 at 10:55 PM
"I don't know where you got "shitting, eating, having sex" etc."
IT'S AT THE TOP OF THIS PAGE, BITCH, posted by your friend slutmachine.
can you read? i mean, really, if those pictures of yourself and your husband, the SQL guy, are for real, you're a really BEAUTIFUL couple. absolutely gorgeous. but that doesn't mean that you can READ, does it? MIND YOU OWN BIZ, SMALL TOWN GIRL. sometimes athletes are athletic, but not so bright ... and database guys are really narrow ... does that perhaps describe the two of you? why do you feel that it is your right to say nasty things about other people? people that you don't even know? i can say this, your myspace pic of yourself and your husband is GORGEOUS. you two are unbelievably beautiful. I LOOKED YOU UP, and i find this beautiful picture of two very beautiful looking people. not cute, not attractive, the two of you are gorgeous. i don't care what the fuck you do in columbus, but don't say bullshit about me, please. i didn't do anything to hurt you, and, the truth of the matter is that it hurt me to read this stuff. it just hurts. then i look for clues to who did it and i find this beautiful couple. and you're the one who said terrible things. give it a break, julie. think before you type, okay? i'm a really nice person, really. it hurts to be called names. if we met in person this never would have happened, i guarantee, because i never fight with anybody, i'm a real doll. i'd have been buying you beers in my restaurant, and you'd be petting my dog and we'd all be happy. honest.
Posted by: suzy | August 24, 2006 at 03:59 AM
I find it hard to believe that you never fight with people in real life.
PS Columbus isn't a small town, nice try though.
Posted by: Jaime | August 28, 2006 at 01:35 PM
why do you bother, jaime?
"PS Columbus isn't a small town, nice try though".
the population of columbus is approx. 700,000 hilly-billys. why even TRY to present your argument? columbus is a provincial hilly-billy town full of provincial hilly-billy folk who attempt, by various means, to prove to themselves that they're actually rather cosmopolitan. i know ya'll think that the short north is hip ... you know, like dunkin' donuts commercials and gap stores espouse ya'll to be "hip".
forget it, jaime. columbus is a REALLY small town.
nice try, though.
Posted by: suzy | August 28, 2006 at 10:12 PM
I think the term you were going for is hill billy not "hilly billy".
Go back to being a huge cunt bitch, its more entertaining than when you try to discuss whether or not Columbus is a small town or not. I will stand by what I said though, even though the population of Columbus isn't as high as NYC, its hardly a small town.
BTW- when are you going to grow a pair and use your real email address, since you're so keen on using other people's email addresses to stalk them.
Posted by: Jaime | August 29, 2006 at 02:18 PM
woah this lady is crazy and needs to get on meds. I've spent a lot of time in Columbus and it is neither small nor full of hillbillys. Drunken fratheads, yes, hillbillies, no. Perhaps you are thinking of Kentucky or Virginia. Columbus has Eisemann architecture everywhere, the Wexner Center, etc.
Posted by: molly | March 27, 2007 at 05:20 PM
This was amazing. Reading the comments section was more enjoyable than reading the story.
Posted by: Special K | December 05, 2007 at 02:25 AM