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Ok...the weightlifter pic is scary, but the condom in the vagina scarier. I'd be freaking out. Was there spillage in the vagina?!?! My imagination would be working overtime!
Posted by: a. | July 27, 2006 at 02:47 PM
I thought I was the only one this had happened to. great story!
Posted by: tina | July 27, 2006 at 03:35 PM
No spillage, but there was some brownish gook. Think end-of-period-dried-blood-light-flow. I went to the gyno to check if I had TSS, but I didn't. You must have to leave shit up your front hole for like weeks before you get sick with that.
Posted by: slut machine | July 27, 2006 at 03:37 PM
OMG! Isn't that the grossest shit ever? It's happened at least 4 times to me- I know a lotta lil dick fuckers that INSIST on wearin Magnums.
Posted by: Redstallyun | July 27, 2006 at 05:21 PM
OMG...this shit happened to me just the other day. I also thought that I had broke my precious vagina.
Thought I was the only mothafucka that dealt with this type of shit.
This is a funny ass story...lol
Posted by: Kissdahskye | July 28, 2006 at 02:42 PM
Thank goodness for Snopes!
http://www.snopes.com/photos/prolapse.asp
Of course, the picture is not faked - it's just not a weightlifter. I shudder to say this, but it was likely self-inflicted. (Anal fisting - *shudder*)
I liked your story better anyway.
Posted by: Bubba Flea | July 28, 2006 at 06:57 PM
Stumbled across this online. Enjoy.
A rectovaginal fistula is a medical condition where there is a fistula or abnormal connection between the rectum and the vagina. Rectovaginal fistula may be extremely debilitating. If the opening between the rectum and vagina is wide it will allow both flatulence and feces to escape through the vagina, leading to fecal incontinence. There is an association with recurrent urinary and vaginal infections.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rectovaginal_fistula
Posted by: yortu | July 29, 2006 at 10:19 PM
This shit is deadly funny. Great stuff.
Posted by: noservices | July 30, 2006 at 07:44 PM
haha, i love that weightlifter picture, that's so fucking gross! this has happened to me a bunch of times, the first time when i was in high school and i was afraid i'd have to go to the emergency room to get it out. it's definitely an unpleasant experience. yuck.
Posted by: Gillian | August 03, 2006 at 04:12 PM
That story was hilarious! The pictures are fucking perfect!
Posted by: Jaime | August 10, 2006 at 04:13 PM
this is fuckin ghilarious, mostly because my boyfriend (and i do love him) left various condoms inside of me at the beginning of our relationship. since i've gone on birth control, it hasn't been a problem. the best part is that they were regular-sized condoms. but i'm not a size queen either, and he's great with his tongue.
Posted by: citytropic | August 11, 2006 at 02:03 PM
Holy shit that's the craziest / funniest thing I have ever read. Thanks for the laugh, I needed it today!
Posted by: megan | August 11, 2006 at 04:31 PM
once that happened to a girl i was in a open relationship with, when she hooked up with this guy friend in a drunken haze. a few days later, she asked me to help her out downtown just to "make sure everything inside was okay." at this point, i didn't know she'd hooked up with the dude. i agreed to help her out, and my grossest fears were confirmed. i think it's one of the best experiences i ever had in university. best ever. i resolved never to have sex with her ever again, but she was really hot and i was expecting to get some that night.
Posted by: melinda | August 13, 2006 at 01:23 AM
Man, the whole time Eyore was munching that shit, another man's spunk was seeping out of spent condom!
Posted by: Jeff | August 13, 2006 at 03:23 PM
OMG!! this happened to me. I thought I got some horrible disease from a lousy one night stand. I got a doc's appt and the day before my appt, that bitch fell out in the toilet.
Posted by: Abby | August 15, 2006 at 03:22 PM
Damn...this shit happened to me the other day. The smell of a 2 day old condom that has been stuck in puss is absolutely horrible
Posted by: Elan | August 15, 2006 at 11:18 PM
OMG i thought i was the only one that has happened to. It sucks and freaks you out. Once i knew it was stuck but didnt know how to take it out so i just waited it out...then i got scared of some sort of plstics disease, i am laughing out loud like a maniac when i read this im new to ur site and i LOVE IT. thanks :D
Posted by: cecejrg | September 01, 2006 at 01:16 AM
something very similar happened to me with a dude who was too huge for the condoms he was using. we realized the condom was stuck up there, so i went to the bathroom and squeezed it out with my kegels... and 2 condoms came out! if the second one hadn't gotten stuck we would've never found the first one! thank god!
Posted by: vicariolicious | September 22, 2006 at 04:25 PM
This happened to me too!!! We thought the condom got lost somewhere in the bed. Went to the bathroom the next day & out it came. Glad to know this has happened to others :)
Posted by: GGG | September 25, 2006 at 02:22 PM
This happened to me more than once.... the last time it happened, we were both drunk and passed out. Totally forgot about it in the morning (though I SWEAR he didn't tell me he lost it - thats my story and I'm sticking to it). A week later, after sex with someone else, I'm feeling some SERIOUS pain in the side of my stomach and throwing up. I go to the emergency room, because I can't sit up, let alone stand up for long. Imagine my embarassment when the ER doctor goes in and pulls out a condom. HORRIBLE! But the painkillers? Heavenly!
Its also happened in a not as painful, but just as embarassing way. It came out after sex with someone else. He wakes me up like "look what I found!" YUCK!
Posted by: Oh sh1t! | November 30, 2006 at 10:30 AM
the best part of this post is that this is probably the peak of the swords' (a defunct, failed, mediocre portland band) meager fame.
Posted by: ptowner | March 06, 2007 at 12:10 AM
youll prolly never see tis comment bc this was posted so long ago, but this once happened to me with a tampon. i was fucking my bf every day for a week before i finally decided to see what the NASTY NASTY funk was down there. i stuck my finger in there, and felt something deep inside, i pulled at the "u.f.o" and out came a 1-2 week old tampon. NASTY.
Posted by: susan | March 25, 2007 at 06:51 PM
oh my god i am so glad i found this posting even though it is so old. this happenned to me just last week and like everyone else i thought i was the only person this happenned to! hazy drug-addled memories of asking him to put on a condom each time we screwed on a friday night but another vague recollection of an unsheathed penis being removed, with no thought as to the mysterious disappearing act of the condom. the worst thing about this is that i finally found the... ON WEDNESDAY NIGHT! that is FIVE FULL DAYS of a condom just hanging out and chilling in vag. i started laughing maniacally in the shower as i pulled it out, half horrified half overcome by the absurdity of the situation. and overcome with relief that i had not hooked up with this other guy i'd been talking to in the intermediary period, because finding some other dude's condom in a girl's vag has GOT to be the ultimate dealbreaker.... especialy if oral sex is involved
Posted by: l.a. lemonade | April 08, 2007 at 05:48 PM
I swear to god, this EXACT thing happened to me. Holy shit! I've never heard of this happening to anyone else.
Crazy.
Posted by: Encountered | April 25, 2007 at 07:23 PM
Thats just nasty, no self respecting human could possibly enjoy living like that. condoms in ur shit and not even knowing?? if u dont see a problem there, then theres something wrong with u. no offense of course.
Posted by: Jason | May 22, 2007 at 04:46 PM
The weightlifter thing is obviously bogus -- even though the blowout would have been traumatic, it wouldn't have ripped his spandex singlet and sprayed the 3rd spotter.
Just sayin'. Also, I think I can see a condom hanging out of his prolapse. There's the real culprit. He was actually powerlifting his boyfriend's junk.
Posted by: Gravymaster | May 22, 2007 at 06:40 PM
Irony much? Literally about nine minutes after reading this, I went to the bathroom and found A DEAD ANT chillin' on my lips. Yep, last night the boyfriend and I were canoodling outside, and I sort of want to kill myself now.
Can you get diseases from that?!
Posted by: abby | May 26, 2007 at 05:30 PM
omg i have no idea who you are, but you are the most hilarious person i have ever met. my myspace url is www.myspace.com/kenny3030 and i think you should friend request me because you are greatness
Posted by: Kenneth Charles Barron III | June 09, 2007 at 09:43 PM
ahhh its happened to me before - thought I didn't have sex in the interm period until I found it. youre badass.
Posted by: muffy | September 10, 2007 at 01:12 PM
LOL! Ladies, its not that we wear too large condoms it staying inside the lady until the little man is flacid enough to slide out of the condom and leave it in there. I am not making excuses. i am just saying its manslaughter, not murder. If that makes sense.
Posted by: cheekychap | September 24, 2007 at 10:29 AM
I've had this happen once before too-after we finished i went to pee and gave birth to a condom! I can relate how you didn't know it was there cause i didn't!
Posted by: Twinks | October 09, 2007 at 01:32 PM
I too have fished a condom out of my vagina...but had no idea for two weeks...gross and totally possible. I'm probably sterile now.
Posted by: Me | November 12, 2007 at 07:35 PM
Once I left a tampon in and forgot about it... about a week later the smell keyed me in that I might need to investigate. Another time this happened with a condom... left it in, it stated to smell funny about a week later. This was during a time in my life when I was inibriated frequently. Once a gynocologist found some wadded up toilet paper way deep inside from a time when I must have been having an emergency... that had been in for at least a month!
Posted by: sparklytoesfairydustbutt | November 24, 2007 at 12:06 AM
meh. It comes with being a dirty slut.
Posted by: dnm | January 04, 2008 at 11:47 PM
this is some of the funniest nonfiction shit ever. and these comments?! good god! the one bitch and her 2 condoms stuck up her snatch?!?! what what??? excellent stuff. pure confection!
Posted by: fancy | January 24, 2008 at 11:57 PM
That kinda happened to me too. I was doin it with my boyfriend (of 4yrs) and we never use condoms he usually just pulls out but we decided to this time and when he finished we saw that it had broke. He said tha top piece was still inside me. I didn't think so and it took me a while to find it. It was sooo weird.
Posted by: Ashley | February 15, 2008 at 06:51 PM
I just found your blog and, after emailing it to all my best gal friends, have been reading non stop. When I got to the "I've fucked it inside out" bit of this post, I could not control my laughter, even though my poor roommates are sleeping--it was like trying to stifle a moan; it starts to hurt after awhile and you just have to give in to it. I love your casually-open style of writing, mixed with wit and charm. Basically, you made my long-ass day end on a really high note. Thanks, lady!
Posted by: Breestyle | March 12, 2008 at 01:39 AM
Homeless bass players. So classy. I fucking love New York. Hope your herp stays offa me.
Posted by: yermaam | April 08, 2008 at 04:12 PM
Happened to me an' the wife years ago. The junk stayed in for 9 mos. Our son was born with a little rubber beanie on and his little skull molded into a reservoir-tip shape....
Posted by: Maury Stottlemeyer | April 08, 2008 at 05:41 PM
"Our son was born with a little rubber beanie on and his little skull molded into a reservoir-tip shape...."
I think I just soiled meself
Posted by: randomvoyeur | June 08, 2008 at 10:22 PM
I am always quite aware of what's going on inside the vadge. Every time I wash it in the shower, I stick a finger in - no soap! - to make sure it's all fine. Sometimes there are some period-end bits and pieces and normal secretions that I would not like my boyfriend to find. Gross, you might think, but if you never look, how could you know you don't have any of that?
Posted by: Maria | June 09, 2008 at 02:34 PM
sadly, I have had BOTH of these things happen to me. The "weightlifting" issue as a child (and it resolved itself on it's own) and the lost condom several years ago. I survived both :)
Posted by: pilar | June 12, 2008 at 04:10 PM
OMFG! Scrub sex is hot no matter what haters say.
Posted by: RefusedParty | June 19, 2008 at 05:45 PM
awesome story. i think something like this might have happened to me once.... but its hazy so i cant confirm.
regardless your writing is very entertaining.
thank you.
Posted by: lazyache | June 20, 2008 at 09:21 PM
Hilarious - this happened to me for the first time. When you get up and realize that the condom is MIA - that's when you know you're in for a hunt. Truly terrifying.
Posted by: LL | July 01, 2008 at 01:31 AM
I'm glad this happened to someone else besides me. That was one horrifying, cold-water-poured-down-spine trip to the bathroom, let me tell you. Also lead to my first usage of the morning after pill. Better than pregnancy, but worse than any hangover/stomach flu I've ever had.
Posted by: cinnarose | July 21, 2008 at 09:02 PM
Hi!
I have many questions about condoms for women, is the same pleasure?
Posted by: Pleasure Condoms | September 24, 2009 at 11:50 AM
I read the post and is so interesting, I really like it.
Posted by: Drug and Alcohol Treatment | October 23, 2009 at 11:32 AM
Good photos and the information is very interesting!
Posted by: Weight loss | November 02, 2009 at 05:16 PM
I would like to read the post,but I can't.
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